I had THAT doctor visit this morning. You know the one. I really don't enjoy those nearly as much when I'm not full of eight pounds of baby. Babies make those visits fun. Otherwise, I can take them or leave them... emphasis on the leaving them.
It has been five years since I had a mammogram. Who knew? I don't keep up with these things. My baby girl is about to turn 20 years old in five days. Decades are disappearing before my very eyes. How on earth can I be expected to keep up with pesky yearly mammograms?
After a little lecture on the stewardship of my health, he proceeded with 'the deed', or 'deeds' as the case may be. Doctors have this knack for small talk while they are probing and prodding the nether regions. It's disconcerting. I'm usually quite the talker but when I put on that paper gown, I freeze up faster than a water pipe in Siberia. Today we were chatting about chicken salad. Or I should say he was chatting about chicken salad. I was sweating even though I was cold. After some uncomfortable discussion on whether to grape or not to grape one's chicken salad, he asked me for my recipe.
There are two reasons why I could not give him my recipe. First of all, my recipe is actually Poppy's recipe and she's the one who has it memorized. Not me. Secondly, I was wearing a paper gown, people! I cannot discuss my chicken salad while my unmentionables are folded into the tiniest square possible and carefully hidden under all my other clothes in a chair in the corner. (Please, tell me I'm not the only one that tries to hide her unmentionables from view of her doctor while at the same time painstakingly doing laundry at 10pm the night before so that her nicest matching set of unmentionables is clean for said doctor's visit.)
It is basic Emily Post etiquette. A lady does not share recipes while donning paper. It's simply not done in polite society. He suggested I email it to his wife. Something else that's not done in polite society? Emailing the wife of your gynecologist.
I'm sorry. No can do. Hopefully he'll forget about the chicken salad before my next visit.
In five years. AWKWARD.
5 comments:
I, took, try to hide my unmentionables under my other clothing when I have "that" kind of doctor visit. I agree that they are much more fun when a baby is involved.
Tina (I know my address "thingy" says Frank, but I promise it's really me)
Oh.my.goodness! Very awkward!
I go to a lady doctor and yes, I do hide my unmentionables under the other clothes in the chair.
I too hide my unmentionables but yes, only after making sure I wear my best pair. LOL
The first time I visited 'that' Dr as an adult I had the paper gown in a vice grip and my eyes squeezed shut. The Dr was just jabbering away. Then he looked up and laughed. His next words were, "Your so cute!"
I have never forgotten that. He's still my Dr 10 years later. LOL
After 10 pregnancies you'd think one would get over the paper gown fright, but no! My ob uses cloth gowns, btw and yes, I fold...er, stick my unmentionables under my other clothes.
Oh course you have to wear your best unmentionables, but of course you also have to hide them under your clothes. Its the only right thing to do.
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