Ramblings of a perimenopausal woman

I'm not in the mood to check my grammar or my sentence construction so who knows what will show up when I hit publish. But, today I'm going to live on the edge. Lucky you!

I've decided to get my act together and get back on the health bandwagon. I didn't really fall off the wagon but life just sort of gets in my way from time to time. Cadbury Mini-Eggs don't help either but I only have to endure that temptation for another ten days or so. Not that I'm counting. This year I vow not to stash bags in my freezer to last me all year. Should I consider that progress or grounds for therapy? Don't answer that.

My garden is empty and bare but holding the promise of Cherokee Purple tomatoes. Last night I accidentally left my seedlings outside. It didn't go below freezing but it was still frigid by seedling standards. And my standards, but you probably already knew that. My dill is a droopy dead looking bunch but everything else looks OK. We'll have the verdict tomorrow.

Today was 75 degrees and sunny, the weather which will be our perpetual state in heaven. I'm pretty sure that's scriptural. I have some sun on my shoulders. That reminds me of the John Denver song. And the movie Sunshine. And the dying mother in that movie. Did I mention I haven't received the results of my mammogram yet? You know the one that I got during 'The Visit'? No news is good news, right?

Is it odd that I think about my mortality more since my oldest daughter turned 20 last week? Why does her 20th birthday freak me out more than my own 40th? I thought the big 4-0 would send me reeling. Since I was pregnant at the time, I guess I shoved the fact that I'm at the top of the hill looking down a steep incline right out of my mind. I'm not pregnant now and my oldest child is 20. The view down from the top of the proverbial hill is in clear view. Sort of like the one and only time my high school boyfriend talked me into riding the Scream Machine at Six Flags. Have I ever mentioned that I'm "Slow and Educational"? The Scream Machine ride? It didn't end well. I have that same sense of foreboding.

Did you know I'm so daunted by black bean burgers that I've had the ingredients for two weeks and haven't tried to make them? Why do they intimidate me so? I must learn to embrace my inner black bean burger. But, not tonight. Tonight we're having gnocchi. I'm a coward.

I'm still not over this healthcare thing. I've lost sleep over it. Of course, one must have perspective about such things. That doesn't negate my desire to snatch some Democrats bald headed. There. I said it. You were thinking it, though. We all know that. There is one that is a particularly loathsome shrew but I'm not going to name names. My discreet and genteel nature won't allow me to be so crass. Yet if I were a pig that spoke Latin, I would call her ancy-nay elosi-pay. Pigs who speak Latin are not held to the same standards of civility so it's all good.

There is a book I must get my hands on. It's called Norms & Nobility: A Treatise on Education by David V. Hicks. My blogging friend, Cindy, is reading through it and blogging about it. Whenever she does this, I join in vicariously. I'm too chicken to actually comment because she has such deep intellectual thoughts. I'm afraid I would sound like a ninny. When Cindy recommends a book, I read. She never disappoints. Problem is, this book is VERY expensive for such a short little thing. I've toyed with buying it but my frugalness won't let me. I've checked all the libraries and the closest library that has it is twenty-six miles away at a college that I haven't attended in many, many years. So, I have choices.

One, I can go to the college library early one day and see if I can read it in one sitting. Since it's a Cindy recommendation, chances are that's not happening. Cindy recommendations are books that have to be chewed on, processed and revisited. Not something I can do in a room full of college kids, albeit quiet college kids. They will be sitting around distracting me with all that texting. It's unnerving.

Or, I can go to the college get the book and copy it for a mere 5 cents a page. I think it's about 100 pages so that's doable, but it might be illegal. Copyright infringement and all that. I'm consulting my lawyer about it.

Or, I can take my camera and photograph every page, come home and read it on my computer. Technically, since there is no actual copy made, I'm thinking I'm safe on the whole copyright thing. Any legal experts want to chime in?

Or, I can cough up the $33.88 and buy the book.

Or, I can go flash my couple decades old college ID and see if they'll let me check it out.

I'll let you know if I get arrested. Or sued.

In the meantime, I think I'll go watch more episodes of House. My nephew loaned me all the seasons and I'm on season five right now. House, where have you been all my life? How did I miss this show for so long? It's perfect for me and feeds my neurotic hypochondria like nothing else can. Of course, now when I hear anyone complain of any symptom no matter how minor, I'm convinced they have sarcoidosis.

More grounds for therapy or progesterone cream, I'm not sure which. The way I see it, everyone needs a few neuroses. It makes life interesting.

And I've been accused of being a pessimist. Pfft.